Why?

People ask me why I haven't said yes to Seth.
There's multiple reasons...

1. I'm not ready.
2. I'm too scared.
3. I can't say yes while liking someone at the same time. It's unfair on Seth.

Once I get over Derek, I think I might be able to look at Seth properly. But while there's these feelings lurking in me... I can't.

Actually... me and Derek were talking about children. It was weird. Even if it was a joke...

We were talking about the rumors that we heard after my friend's party. And we were talking about the worst one... which was "that we did it in the bedroom" --> which is completely false.
And we started joking around and he goes "so how many months is my baby?"
And I'm like "1 month"

We then started talking about the baby shower and that he has to be there when I give birth... We even named the kids - Aurora Rose, Saito Kei and Victoria Jane. What was weird was that we even added mine and his last name.
And then we even started saying that after I give "birth" I need a half year break and then we can make more. And then he started calling me 'mummy'.
It started to sound... kinda realistic now.
That's why today... we decided to stop. Because it was kind of scaring us both.
So yes.....